The authors of this blog/book are succeeding in the same way palm readers do: observing closely, generalizing broadly and entertaining lightly. (But still call me because we’re both gay and ur HOT!!1!) These people don’t represent most of us, or even the worst of us–those much more deserving of ridicule–who don’t give a shit about cheeses but who are blatantly racist and who love Larry the Cable Guy. Personally, I wanted to slap your bearded face with my palms-o-obvious and let you know that you just look like an ass that’s making fun of your annoying university, or maybe just the rich, white friends who actually do exemplify the Dave Chapelle-inspired vision of white people. As a gay myself, I’m using my minority powers of awesome and labeling you a homophobic cock-juggler. That’s right out here in the Midwest the only people you’re making fun of are teh gays. The only people I’ve encountered who are concerned with cheese or the kinds of things your “white people” are concerned with are my GAY FRIENDS. I listened to you talk about cheese and I was like “OMG WTF is he serious?” Cuz I know white people, at least I know white people who live in Indianapolis, IN, and they’re concerned only with either NASCAR or their kids. Your emo plastic black glasses pinned you as a white college professor, or a student, which was assisted by your silly beard-thing and free-flowing blond hair. You look more white than, oh, I don’t know, a white person. Hi, I’d seen your blog before I saw you on that show that comes on after Conan which comes on after Jay which means it’s two shows after the show that most people watch and anyway I was surprised. This is because every white male under 35 is convinced that they could and should be working for The Onion. In fact, the only acceptable criticism for the Onion is that you are unable to work for them. You should not imply that you don’t get it or that it’s not funny. Doing so will show the white person that you are smart and have a good sense of humor.Īs an institution, the Onion is beyond reproach for white people. In fact it is impossible to talk to a white person for more than one hour without hearing “that reminds me of the Onion article….” In order to remain a viable part of that conversation it is essential that you are able to quickly suggest a related, but different, Onion article on a similar subject. There are no exceptions.Īt any given time a white person has 100-200 Onion headlines memorized and ready for deployment into a conversation. If that home is occupied exclusively by white men then said book will be located in the bathroom. It is so popular, that every white person home contains at least one book from The Onion. Since then it has produced a body of work that includes audio, video, and thousands of articles that entertain white people every single day of the year. When the publication got more popular it moved to New York. The Onion is a satirical newspaper and website that was founded in Madison, Wisconsin – a very popular location for white people. If you are not familiar with The Onion, your conversations with white people will be boring, humorless, and unlikely to lead anywhere productive.īefore moving on, it’s important to know exactly what The Onion is and where it came from. If you are not presently familiar with The Onion, you should visit immediately as it is essential in your development and cultivation of white friendships. Before you begin hanging around with white people, you should know that all white humor comes from three sources: The Simpsons, Monty Python, and The Onion.
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